Frustration

Seriously. Today was supposed to be a great day, but right now it seriously sucks; the only good part about today is spending some of it with Liz. Which will consequently end my relationship with Patrick, Jay, Ronald, and practically anybody I would want to be friends with because according to Patrick: “Sense you’ll be hanging out with Liz so much we just won’t call you to hangout with us, then we’ll make a habit out of it.” That’s seriously messed up. I’m sorry but just because I’m going to be in a relationship doesn’t mean I won’t be able to hangout, that and this is coming from a guy who literately thinks about girls and being a relationship non-stop, I bet you he’d kill somebody if it meant be with his future wife right now and he’s giving me this? Whatever bro. Also Jay storms in my office while Liz and I were hanging out and he totally was like rubbing the staff manuel in my face. I really don’t care and I don’t want to hear it right now. If it weren’t for Liz and listening to Jenny & Tyler I would completely loose it right now. Please God help me through this, please give me patience and the endurance to get through this. 

The point of discipleship to help guide your student along their walk, which entails going to through some rough roads. You can’t just ditch him when the going gets hard, or when you’re stressed out? Bro, quit thinking the you have to do this on your own. And saying things like: “he’s got a lot of baggage, I just don’t think I can do it.” ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Why would you even possibly say yes to descipling him then? Do you even know what it means? He’s my little brother and he chose you, God has you here for a reason. Quit being selfish. 

I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m just losing all these relationships around me. I feel like I just want someone who is willing to be a super close friend, someone who will take the time to ask me how I’m doing, and truly care. Someone who will encourage me and lift me up, someone who will spontaneously pray for me cause they will be able to see that I need it. It’s so hard to have a relationship with some who I do all of this for, and get nothing to return. Honestly, it makes me feel worthless. It makes me feel like I’m not important, that I’m a friend on the back burner. Also, I want to be a mentor to a student who longs for a deep mentorship. I want to be that person who in 10 years, the student will say that my relationship with them was a totally God inspired, and that God used me to draw them closer to Him. I long for that, but that’s not the case currently. I feel like I except so much out of life, and then I get all guilty and Satan totally uses that and gives me voices of shame, and I honestly fall into it every single time. God please help me out, please give me that peace that can only come from You! Cause I can’t do this alone, it’s way to hard. 

-T.